She Wont Eat That….

                I swear I had the best of intentions when my firstborn started transitioning to real food. I bought those tiny mesh bags for self-directed feeding and cut up hefty chunks of bananas and avocado and proudly presented her with these to teeth on. This resulted in green and yellow mush being smeared all over every surface of my house except my child’s mouth. They are gross. I chucked those in the trash after a couple of uses.

                My next effort was equally fraught with complications. While on maternity leave, I went to the farmer’s market and loaded up on squash and apples and other sundries. I traipsed back to my house with my treasures and dutifully roasted, and sautéed and blended them into a bland, organic, locally grown cadre of healthy baby food. These were all lovingly food-processed and poured carefully into ice-cube trays and stored for later consumption.

                When it came time to try Z on baby food, I presented her with these, and she would pinch her mouth together like the vault at Fort Knox. She would shake her head back and forth as if to silently declare her discontent. If I did happen to manage to sneak a bite of squash past her clenched maw, I was met with screaming and spitting. It was an exercise in frustration.

                Finally, my nanny provided some commercially made baby food and Z selected about three flavors that she will eat.

                As a physician, I also had very strong feelings on JUICE. I informed my mother about the risks of JUICE at length to include obesity and diabetes.   This went out the window when Z’s turds were the consistency of jagged rocks and so infrequent that their appearance resulted in great distress. Now she gets a cup of the dreaded JUICE each day and is as regular as a German train.

                I have been judged by friends and family alike about my daughter’s pickiness and limited diet. My mother has admonished me extensively about my many failings in introducing variety to her diet. I have borne this ridicule from friends and family with a fairly good nature offering to let them “try”. My mother was met with the same stubborn screaming, “I NO LIKE IT” response that I experience when trying to get my daughter to try new things.  

                I have offered any of her little friends five dollars for any new foods they can get her to try. This resulted in one of her friends cleverly wrapping a piece of hot dog in a Cheezy Poof. Z was not deceived. She hurled that Cheezy Poof Dog out of her friend’s grasp with indignant, furious vigor.

                I have also been counseled, that she will “eat when she gets hungry”. I am just going to tell you how it is. No. She. Wont.

                Several hours, and one tear and snot soaked toddler later, she still won’t eat anything she doesn’t like.

                Here is a brief but comprehensive list of things my daughter will eat:

  1. ANYTHING chocolate
  2. Chips (Cheetos and Doritos – not the Cool Ranch kind.. She says these are gross)
  3. A grilled cheese (Only if it is very lightly browned)
  4. A peanut butter sandwich (if it is chocolate peanut butter)
  5. Mechanically separated chicken fries
  6. Popsicles
  7. Yogurt
  8. Baby food (spaghetti flavor, fruit flavor, and chicken flavor, and baby cereal).. and yes at two and a half years old, she still eats baby food at least twice daily.
  9. Cookies and Candy
  10. Desitin (she begs to eat Desitin at every diaper change declaring that it is delicious. For what it is worth, I have tasted it and it isn’t horrible)
  11. Hand sanitizer
  12. Dirt and/or Sand
  13. Any lotion (again, she begs for me to put it on her hand and she licks it off with gusto)
  14. Boogers (which she also has declared to be “yum yum yummy in her tum tum tummy”)

                Pretty much anything else she is presented with is declared as “gross” or “I NO LIKE IT”. So withhold your judgment. I have tried smoothies and hiding healthy fare in other dishes (see the above hot-dog wrapped in a Cheezy Poof). I am assuming she won’t go to college eating baby food and Desitin, and if she does, I will send her baby food and Desitin care packages by the dozen.




2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Julia Brooks
    Aug 31, 2014 @ 02:32:11

    You are so darned human and I just love it!


  2. kelliewall
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 02:41:18

    I sometimes don’t love being this human. I miss you Julie!


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